I need to weep

I am terrified to the point of feeling nauseous that he isn't going to want me back. I gave him until Monday, exactly two weeks he's had now. I will get an answer Monday. I'm just terrified that its not going to be good. Terrified that he'll want her more. He cheated on me with her, I feel like that in itself says she has something I don't. Like it says I'm not a good enough person to be loved. That I lack the qualities that keep someone from cheating. I'm so scared. What if he picks her? I'll be devastated. Of course he won't know how badly it will hurt if he picks her. I want him to be happy, and if the prom bitch is going to make him happy, then I guess I'll take it like an adult. Because when you love someone you have to let them go. You have to allow them to do what gives them joy. I'm still vying for myself. I haven't really counted myself out of the race yet. He said he yes when I asked if he wanted a relationship with me, and I don't know when I asked if he wanted one with her. So that's good for me, but I'm still nervous. Say he realizes he loves her more than he loves me. He'll pick her for sure then. I feel absolutely sick. And I just want to cry with nervousness. Come Monday, I think no matter what his choice, I'll have to weep. Not cry, no. Weep. The kind of weeping that will leave me completely spent and lying in a big happy or sad heap in my bed. The kind of weeping that you can only do when you're feeling total emotion. Crying won't suffice to rid me of these emotions and jitters and god only knows what. I need to weep. I need to let myself go completely and put all my effort into it. Think of nothing but weeping of joy or sorrow. I need a good weep. It will revive me. Because come Monday, I know I'll be a pile of nothingness. All my energy completely spent on trying to get him back, even though he may not deserve it. I want him so badly. I'm putting myself out there completely and it's exhausting. I need to weep. That and nothing more.