A hole of comparison

I think one of the worst feelings someone can have is a feeling of being compared to another person. Regardless of who is doing it. Someone else does it, you feel like shit. You do it, you feel maybe slightly shittier. Either way you end up feeling like a lost abused puppy that no one will ever love. Even if you know people love you. There's just something about beating up on yourself because you feel like you can't live up to someone else that does a damage that nothing can repair. Sure you can tuck it away and maybe forget about it, but the damage is still irreparably done. As if comparing yourself to someone isn't bad enough, you sometimes feel like other people compare you someone else and that just adds to the feeling of shittiness. I can't help but think, even though I'm quite sure it's not true, that he did it because she's skinnier than I am. She doesn't have stretch marks. Or a not so flat stomach. She's pretty too. She's an image of 21st century American perfection. And I, well, I am not. I'm not fat, I'm not ugly, but certainly I don't live up to the perfect American girl icon that most guys want. I can't help but compare myself to her and pick at my flaws in hopes of finding a reason, one that notably isn't there, as to why he cheated. I was fine today and now I've gone and put myself in a hole of comparison. It's an awful thing for someone to do to themselves.