I...uhm...I...

Today was it. Last day of school. I spent about 12 hours with boyfriend today, we did......stuff. No,  we didn't get it in, which I'm really glad. However, other things did happen. We then went out and on the way to his house he told me something REALLY important. He apparently made out with the slutty girl he went to prom with. I knew, like I could just tell something had happened between them. You don't have a relationship that close with someone and not have something happen between the two of you. So he told me he had cheated, and I know I should be really angry. I should not be able to trust him, I should break up with him. Probably anyone reading this is saying "exactly!!" right about now. I can't. I'm trying and I've tried to be angry with him, but I can't be. I cannot physically bring myself to be angry  or distrusting of him. He apologized, and apologized, and said he knew it was wrong, and so on. I know he knows it was, I know he's sorry. He's not the kind of person to just throw out apologies if he doesn't mean them. Maybe he is, I don't know, but I honestly can't bring myself to be mad at him. His apology was so sincere, he just had that look in his eyes. I don't know, maybe I'm too forgiving but I can't not forgive him. I think part of the reason I'm forgiving him is because I love him. I think I've known that for a while now, I just haven't told him yet. And no, I'm not that girl who just throws out I love you's. I've told one other person that. One. When I say it, I truly mean it. I think I love him too much to let this ruin what we may have. I get that it was really really wrong, but at the same time so many people cheat now a days. He's only human and everyone makes mistakes. He's never given me a reason not to trust him. I just wish he'd have told me a little sooner. Oh, and don't get me wrong, he shouldn't have done it, and its definitely not okay, I'm just not mad about it. I guess this is the first test of our relationship, and every relationship has its ups and downs, it damn, this is a big one. We'll just have to work it out. We can get through it, I'm confident. 

*an important edit* I found out yesterday that there was in fact no making out. It was just a kiss

Last Day

I haven't written in forever it feels like. Anyways, tomorrow is the last day of school! Yay! I just have to make it through 2 hours of stupid and then I'll officially be a senior, and it'll be summer break. Thank god. It's been a hell of a year, and when I say hell I mean it quite literally, this year was pretty awful. On a brighter note: our middle school kids do a shaving cream battle every year after they get out in one of the parks up town. So boyfriend and I are going up after school to watch and then hanging out with some of our other friends. Well, that's what we're saying we're doing anyway. When my dad gets home though, we'll be appropriate and then we're leaving and going to get Greek food and see Gatsby. I'm so excited. Not only is school done, but I'm spending the entirety of the day with boyfriend. I don't think life gets much better. Plus, I really like Greek, and I really want to see Gatsby, so added bonus! Anywho, I'm not sure how frequently I'll post over the summer, but I promise I'll try to keep updated. Happy summer everyone! 

Cliché

So yesterday marked a week of official dating, although its really been more like two. But I had to be cliché because that's just how I am. So I texted him in the morning and put "one week! <3"  on twitter, because that's what any normal high school girl would do. I like being cliché, it's enjoyable. Sadly though we didn't even get to hang out last night. I had family friends come in and then my friends kidnapped me and took me to sweet frog at like 9:30, I got to see him a little at school, but that was it. Oh well. As long as I get to be with him on our one month we'll be good. 

Meh

I want Greek food. I also want to see Gatsby, and boyfriend.  I only got to see him for like five seconds after school today. Wah! I want him to be here. Please come lay with me, I'll love you forever. We can be bestest friends too, and I'm your girlfriend so you should want to. Ill make him go get Greek and see Gatsby with me this weekend. That sounds like a good idea

Please

Can boyfriend just live at my house on the weekends and cater to my every cuddling/making out/kissing/kanoodleing whim? I think this needs to happen. I don't like not having him around and not touching me in some way. I have a really uncontrolled physical contact libido. I just want him near me and holding me every second of the day. It's especially bad today because we've seen each other for the past two days and were able to do that. I want him here. I just want to cuddle and talk and maybe kiss a little. Dear boyfriend, please come to my house. I need you. Please?

Prom: Afterthoughts

Prom was fun. My date was fun and actually danced with me, although I knew he would be. Despite the fact that boyfriend's date was hardcore grinding on him, (obviously I didn't really care for that, but can I say anything really? They went together.) she earned back some brownie points by slow dancing with my date so we could dance together. She also earned some more after prom. Thankfully the music didn't suck this year, and the food was better. After prom I came home and changed clothes then went to a get together  at a friends house. I got invited to a field party, but honestly, that's not my thing, and most of the people there weren't my crowd. So I went to the gathering and kanoodled with boyfriend. I had to be home at two so he walked me, and made out with me, and grabbed my butt...he then apologized for grabbing my butt. My butt is my favorite part of my body, it's nice, really nice. So I don't get offended when people grab/touch/stare at it. I take it as a compliment. Apparently he didn't know that. But all in all prom was good, and after was pretty great too.

Mwah

The one thing I really do enjoy about being in a relationship is the kissing. Yea, you can kiss people even if you're not dating them, but there's just something about lip locking with someone you're romantically involved with. It makes it more,I don't even know,but it just makes it better. More satisfying if you will. Kissing is more satisfying but making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend has this air about it that is uniquely and all it's own. It's wonderful. Kissing is wonderful. 

Officially DTR'd

So, I had an eventful evening. The boy and I went to dinner with my Moum had her boyfriend, we got ribs and they were delicious, things were normal. That went well and then we went to IKEA. That where things went from good to great. So we were walking around IKEA and my mom hers were walking around somewhere else in the store. We turned down an isle and he planted one on me. Not just like a *mwah* but a full blown tongue down your throat kiss. I'm not complaining, I rather enjoyed it, it just took me by surprise is all. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at all by his ferocity. (That's not really a good word, but I can't think of another way to describe it right now.) We've been talking about making out all week after prom, and I think both of us have been desperately waiting Saturday evenings arrival. Apparently some of us couldn't wait that long to lock tongues. I don't care, I wanted to also, I just wasn't expecting our first make out sesh to be in closet isle at IKEA. Oh well, carpe diem, as they say. So after our IKEA journey we went to the car because they were getting ready to close. My mom and hers hadn't come out yet so we were sitting in the car, kissing, talking, you know; he asked me out. Well, really he told me I should go out with him, but regardless I was going to say yes. So now we're official. We're dating, and its good. I'm happy. Go life! 

DTR-ing

DTR: define the relationship.. I'd say we did that today, just not in so many words. DTR-ing means that you say you're dating, together, boyfriend/girlfriend, going steady, how ever you want to phrase it. I would assume that kissing, in the middle of a crowded hall, is a form of DTR-ing. I mean honestly, you can't do that and then expect people to not assume you're dating. That's not how it works. So I believe we're official now. Not Facebook official though; that's how a relationship gets ruined in its infancy. Never put anything you want to last on Facebook. Just don't, you're only asking for things to go horribly awry. 

Food for thought

We went on a field trip today for Italian Club to the International Rooms at Pitt and to this amazing authentic Italian restaurant. While we waited for our food my friends and I had a really intense conversation about why kids today are so very different from ourselves, and about how socially lacking they are. 

     Most parents today are lazy. When they need to distract their kids they want a quick distraction that will keep the kid entertained for as long as possible. So rather than giving them a coloring book or paper and pencils, they give them an iPad, iPhone, etc. it's ridiculous. Your child has no concept of self entertainment. Most elementary kids and even younger know how to operate and iPhone. Most middle schoolers don't even have real conversations. They text, which is fine, I text to, but I know how to have a real face to face conversation too, unlike them. They have minimal to no social skills and its awful. For them, their phones are WAY of life, to us, phones are an ACCESSORY to life. We don't need them like the younger generation does, but we have them and they're convenient. I'm not against kids having and utilizing technology, but sometimes the parent or guardian needs to step in and say enough, go outside, do something other than sit there on your phone/computer/tablet. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen as often as it needs to. 

Ribs and Prom cont.

I forgot to mention, I'm no longer worried about something happening between him and his date.  He's as excited as I am about Saturday evening. 

Ribs and Prom

On Friday, the boy and I are going to get ribs with my Moum and her boyfriend. These ribs are legit the absolute best ribs you will ever put in your mouth. Totally worth the 2 hour drive. Plus, I get to spend a few hours with him. And then on Saturday is prom. I'm excited for prom, the guy I'm going with is great, he'll be a good date and lots of fun. However, as excited as I am for the actual prom, I'm even more excited for after. All my friends including him, are going to another friends house after, (all their dates included), so I'm not going because that'd be a little bit awk. But she lives near me so boyfriend and myself are meeting up and most definitely making out. We don't get to do a lot of that since he has football through the week and we're in different grades. So making out is happening whenever we can. Saturday is only a few days away but it seems like an eternity having to wait for him to kiss me again. Being with him is an addiction. We did it a few times and now I want to be with him all the time; every second of every day. I'm crazy about him.

The Green Eyed Monster

     Jealousy, it's an awful thing. Even though we've only been together a few days its still invaded my mind. Prom is this week and both of us are going. Just, not with each other. Both of us had dates before we even started talking. I don't care really that he's going with her, I like her. It's just the whole AFTER thing that concerns me. She's nice, but she's kind of slutty and I know she would do things with him, even if its not sexual. They're spending the night at one of our mutual friends house.  I am not because the guy I'm going with isn't friends with any of them, just me. So I'm concerned. I don't really know how his self control is, I assume its going to be alright, but there's always that chance it won't be. I know I'm probably worrying over nothing. He likes me, we're together, and I really can't imagine him potentially ruining our relationship, but that doesn't mean I'm not jealous. They talked a little before we did, and he says she's not his type, but honestly, we're teenagers. Like really, hello hormones and desires! I'm just worried, but I don't know. I probably will get invited regardless, so it may work out in the end. Who knows. Jealousy sucks.

My Moum

      Moum, mom, mother, madre, mommy, whatever you call her she's yours. Whether or not you claim her you've got her. Without her you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be you. Whether she's hurt or helped you she made you who you are. Be thankful for your mom, she's helped you in life regardless of whether you realize it or not. My Moum is my best friend and my therapist. She's there for me always and supportive of my decisions. I love her and I don't know what I'd do without her. So  Happy Mothers Day all you moms. You deserve recognition for giving birth.

Kissing

    Last night Boyfriend and I were talking about kissing and why we should do it when he gets home from Virginia. I mean you don't really need a reason, but I was trying to give him some incentive to not fall asleep and die while driving back up. Eventually our conversation turned towards random kissing facts, which is what I present to you now.
   1. Kissing lowers blood pressure
   2. Basic lip to lip burns 6.5 calories a minute
   3. Making out burns about 27 calories a minute
   4. Kissing is good for your oral hygiene. When you kiss you salivate more which in turn helps to keep your mouth clean and keep sickness at bay
   5. Kiss comes from an old English word cyssan which is based on the sound a kiss makes
   6. The science of kissing is called philematology
   7. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than fingers, or even genitals
   8. A French kiss utilizes all 34 muscles in your face
   9. A woman can reach orgasm through kissing
   10. A study showed than men who kissed their partners or spouse before leaving for work were likely to live 5 years longer than those who didn't.
     And there you have it, some random and potentially useless kissing info. Next time you need an excuse to kiss someone, just tell them it's good for their health.

A New Phase

    A not so long ago time ago I was going through a depression. My parents were separated for about a year and were finalizing the divorce. It was hard on us all. My dad was mopy and depressed all the time, my sister moody and overly emotional. I was depressed although I didn't know why. The divorce hadn't affected me to greatly, it's better this way. I started therapy and stayed with it for only a few months before I realized the therapist thought I wanted to talk about the divorce. I didn't want to talk about that. I had already come to peace with that. Let me tell you, it's hard to talk to someone about why you're depressed when you yourself don't even know. Although I think now that it was because I was talking to this not-so-great-guy. He was big into pot and drinking and partying. Not the kind of guy I should have been talking to. I got used for sex, but in my mind it wasn't being used, he really did like me. He was athletic, older, nice to me generally, great in my clouded mind. I realized after I stopped therapy why I was depressed. I wanted him to like me, but he obviously didn't and wasn't going to. I had wasted so much time and energy on him, it's not even funny. Gladly now though, I've out him in my past and moved on. I'm much happier now, and I'm ready for this new phase of my life. A much better guy, a fresh perspective on life, and becoming more social again, although its difficult. I lost connections with a lot of my friends during the pot head phase. But I'm getting out more and being more social. And like I said, I have a guy now who treats me well and doesn't use me for sex. It's a new phase and I'm going into it head first and strong.

"That Guy"

     I had my first date last night. It went pretty well as far as I'm concerned. It wasn't anything fancy, ice cream and then a small gathering at a mutual friend's house. The conversation was good and there wasn't really much awkward silence, which is a miracle in and of itself with the two of us. We've been talking for a few weeks now so it was nice to see him out of school and just spend time together. At the gathering we sat and talked for a while and then held hands, nothing major. Then we had some food and came back and he put his arm around me. We sat like that for a while until everyone decided to play Apples to Apples. Everyone got bored of that pretty quick and we just kind of dispersed into our respective couples. Then we kissed. Not once, but three times. It was splendid. The second time we did we were cuddling in the chair-and-a-half and holding hands. I can't even think about kissing him without getting butterflies. Needless to say I'm pretty enthralled with him. I hope we work out. When he left last night I missed him as soon as he wasn't touching me. I feel like that's an indicator of attraction. But maybe that's just me. Who knows?